The First To Walk Away

Even if you leave me, I will never let go
Because the uncertainty of finding another you has got me too exposed

I blame myself for losing my self grasp
Crossing the path where hurt left me last
Thought you were the exception, but my past made me react
Slowly walking away from you trying to bring you back

Is this the situation your friends coached you through just so they could see you crash
Were we on to something or are you stuck on your last, troubled by your past?

Trepidation has got us shifting positions
Arguing our anonymity in this perplexity of perspectives
This battle between us has got me feeling conflicted
We both feeling the same while having the same difference

Obscure and overwhelming, I wish that this could wait
Seize this very moment of a memory growing faint
Chancing the risk, the one we failed to take
But escaping this reality is a dream wide awake

Tell me this is right
Are you in my social script, the climax of my life

Untitled

I'm a 23 year old looking to explore
All of life's treasures that even money can't reward
Steady searching for feeling, love I'm never sure
Women stick around for the potential that I can secure
Keeping pace with a lifestyle that I can't afford

Browse the menu where the prices they don't display
Pick your favorite wine, drink it all I don't have to taste
Regretting the fact that I brought you to my place
To a city skyline, my daily great escape
And the reason you come back is for the pictures you failed to take

Are we on to something or is your interest really fake?
Because you neglect to ask the right questions except for our future dates

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Thought that chapter was over
Felt my feelings could move forward
And now you're haunting every girl that I happen to look over

Different name, different picture in the frame
Yet the memories, never fading, forever they remain

Stop the clock, pause this moment for a minute
And allow me to engage you in conversation of my transition
Believe me, I'm trying to get better
But how do you undo something that's never been together?

Recalculating Route

Finding myself...
Finding myself in this infinite expansion of time
Time compounded by the fear unknown
Unknown, unassuming, unable
Unable to determine the next move
Move with the confidence that oneday
Oneday I will find meaning in the pursuit
The pursuit of finding myself

These One of Them

Think I'm going through one of them, these days when you just don't know. More uncertainty than imagination could show. Wear a smile, but it's these once-in-awhile's that brings me down to common ground. High expectations sitting in the void of ambition. Dreams and hopes, susceptible to feelings of lows stuck in transition.

Never any feelings, no indication of the hurts in healing. That was me. Started sharing sights, looking for an answer to what an isolated mind couldn't might. Judgment. No explanation, the ones that never dared to stare. Who really cares? Emotions neither here nor there, better prepared.

Get me out of that box. You package me in the past. Am I the last? Out of stock. Inventory in the bad and replace any good that has elapsed. Fail to post your destination, and they can't track your shipment. Take flight.

Moving In

Monday, December 6, 2010 @ 4:30 PM marked my first TV debut. I was on MTV in an episode of "Moving In".

At this milestone in my "career", I am fortunate to be making progress considering the fact that I do not have agency or management representation. Some may say that I'm not trying hard enough or that I don't fit the mold, but I prefer to create a niche of my own rather than conform to the norm.

The show allows me to interject my personality behind the still images. It required a lot of improvisation and attention to detail. Hopefully, the right person notices enough to give me another fifteen minutes. Thanks to all the supporters who encourage me to keep on keeping on.

Humbling experience when people start to notice, and everything you worked for starts to suddenly come in focus.

Click Here To Watch Episode

Fall In Love. Get Hurt Trying.

Relationships are what you make them. They may develop from friendships, instintcs, and the ever popular late nights. These forces of human nature draw the parties to focus not on what the other can do for him/her but on the effort that each person is willing to put forward to satisfy the other.

Timing is everything. Don't ever let go of the person that makes you wonder. Where will this go? How do I know? Is he/she "right" for me? Are we at different points in our life? Are we going too fast? Where do you want this to go?

This level of complexity scares away the inexperienced, the brokenhearted, and even the rebounders. What ever happened to those days when we didn't proceed with caution? Children merely go to the park and play in the sandbox without any agenda or asking any preliminary questions. They simply play and interact, only sorting out their likes and dislikes as they go relying on what they know until they know better.

Personally speaking...

I should've known better
Than to chance emotion
In a relationship left together
Protracting the angle of friends
Is how the familiarity first began
When you first start to wonder
But fail to understand

Wish I could do it over, I mean
I wish that I could do it without her other
Because it was me who never told her
My expectancy was something over

It's better to have lost and loved
Than not to have loved at all
And try to remount
Even after you fall
Fearing the unknown
Until the memory is sewn

Surrounding my surroundings
Do the birds not fly
The leaves change with the seasons
The sun collides with the moon
And all for what reason

Searching for something more
Is there something else in store
Have I sat this one out
Or continue the search to settle the score

We share nothing in common
Other than the same blank slate
Where we started with our chalk
Sidewalking what we wanted to be
And when it didn't work out that way
Questioned our ultimate destiny

My Reality

What once was obscure has become an iridescent element in my existence. I have fell victim to the criticisms and shortcomings of a judgmental marketplace shopping for the cure of stability while fearing the checkout of tomorrow. I was only trying to get ahead. But when reality fails to add up, discount the time, effort, and energy that was there and didn't follow.

I spent a great deal of time this summer gravitating toward my center of self. Uncertainty set in and for the first time I began to doubt. Success is relative and not a discretionary asset of others. I questioned my global positioning because I was not at the best school, employed at the best firm, or getting the best grades. Disappointment indeed; however, for all of the wrong reasons. The standard I set for myself should not be a direct reflection of what is acceptable to those on the outside.