Unlearning Stereotypes

As part of moral obligation to give back to a community that I believe has raised me and further has the potential to affect the majority and their respective outlook, I volunteer under the guidance of the New York Civil Rights Coalition in an endeavor called 'Unlearning Stereotypes'. Weekly at the New York High School of Economics & Finance, I probe the minds of young adults and their varied perspectives on the role that stereotypes play in their numerous relationships.

Throughout this endeavor, I have chanced the recurrence of a common theme - "perception is reality". Our society is inclined to reinforce the cliche 'don't judge a book by its cover'; however, such a threat exists almost in every situation because it is this initial representation that holds the all end all for future applications. Examples that society offers us were presented before the students:

• Chris Brown v. Rihanna (Despite prior acclaim, are we in a position to judge character?)
• appearance v. intellect (Is presentation everything or a sub. factor ie: in an interview?)
• interracial marriages (2010 relevant?)
• affirmative action (Are AA still at a disadvantage v. do AA require 'imposed' advantages?)
• President Obama (Is fact of "first black president" relevant?)

Issues of such are not at the forefront of our minds; however, they subconsciously affect decisions, actions and reactions. Highlighting and eliminating these unwarranted biases is a fundamental goal of the program; however, there is no right answer behind the discussion but to rather incite just that. Granted the days of civil unrest no longer exists; however, is there a subtle protest that ensues within one's mind?

Where I Was

I'm not sure I want to do this anymore. Grades this past semester - mediocre. I witness others doing what they've longed to do but choose to pursue the safe route hoping that happiness with parse its way through. Sure, the answer to my troubles is apparent but forever paradoxial as I plow through my first year of legal education.

"Do what you have to do so that you can do what you want to do". Easier said than done because as time passes, I'm losing just that. How do you put a punctuation where life has a runon sentence? I want to sing, act, model, entertain but what stands in the way of those four objectives is the goal of one. Selfish as that may be, its the most lucrative investment as well payoff - so they say.

They? Why try to satisfy someone else only to be the only one to deal? The answers aren't immediate for as long as I began, I must continue and complete. I thought I was going in towards happiness but happiness is where I was.

FINALS - Finally Over

Anxiety, stress, doubt, overwhelmed, indecisiveness - all emotions that have plagued me throughout my first ordeal. Its analogous to walking into a haunted house. You know that something is coming and you are the intended target; however, you enter it unbeknownst to you what direction it is coming from or what exactly it is. No amount of preparation is ever enough and once you're through - you're through.

Not only did I wake up late for the last final, I ran out of time on each one, initially thinking that four hours would be plenty. For those that flood the common areas with questions "What did you put for...", you can find me leaving the nearest exit and on to the next one. The intensity level is unparalleled to anything that I have ever experienced in terms of the mutual ambiguity in the material. Others found refuge at the local bar; however, my safe haven is my bed for I now have to catch up on a month's worth of sleep.

Looking back on the semester, I reemphasize a quote that legal professors repeat on a consistent basis, "You don't know what you don't know". There is no concrete answer or scientific method to thinking about issues or how to effectively put them on paper. Nor are you consciously aware of the amount of material that is thrown at you in four short months. This is reconciled in grabbing hold of what you know, don't know, and don't think you know and making sense of it from at least two equal and opposite angles based on a set of facts. In retrospect, I found very useful to question everything even if it appeared sound on the surface.

Granted, I did not travel the legal route according to the guidelines set forth. I worked part-time, pursued modeling and acting, endured an exasperating commute, and volunteered weekly as a mentor at a NYC high school all the while striving to be the best in everything I set out to do. Sure it sounds good, but realistic - we'll see.

Impacted areas that I have felt are personal relationships. It has been difficult to maintain and follow through with friendships and family. I nestled in a niche where my textbook became my one and only. Feeling failure in my foresight, I found freedom a felony. Many took this as intentional separation on my end and felt it personally. For this I apologize. You now have my undivided.

DMAC

I deviated from the norm and attended South Florida @ Rutgers football game. Bearing the inclement weather, I found myself witnessing greatness. Devin McCourty #21 provided me with a first class seat defining "special" in special teams.




To see my bro pursuing his dream and to be able to be there to lend my support merely by my presence truly makes me proud. The outcome whether positive or negative is irrelevant to the impact that it has on a friendship. Stay tuned.

The Pad

"Mr. Macelus, here are the keys to your new apartment." I have longed to hear these words spoken by a leasing agent. Although void of furniture and what others may consider to be the bare necessities, I have surrounded myself with white walls that encapsulate a young black man with a colorful career.

Every morning I will wake up in a 1 bedroom with a view of New York City - a playground that I will tackle in order to be the first one picked. I grew up a little more today. No roommates, no distractions, no interference, no excuses. The feeling is bitter sweet with finals looming in the background and the thought of not scoring at a level worthy of any merit makes everything else worthless and supports the laundry list of reasons why I fell short of a measurable objective. That feeling - failure - the distance and the proximity are uninvited guests.

The Pad welcomes all positive energy.

Where I Am

It is obvious from my absence that October was a shaky month. I done evaluated and revaluated myself in almost every aspect from my short term goal to my long term goals together with how they have been altered, reduced, or broadened from last year to present.

I simply want to "grow up". Remove myself of all outer dependancy and provide for myself is the basis behind the vague expression. No more do I want to have a last resort but be the all end all when it comes to responsibility. True, everything happens for a reason. The past year was my first encounter with the "real world". In the midst of trying to realize my wants and ambitions, I could not get over the fact that there was a "rescue center" that I would return to in the event that some unforseen circumstance were to occur. Having setup the scenario, I've since taken action through the following:

1) Signed a lease on my own apartment
2) Eliminated frivilous debt
3) Budget my finances

Essentially, I want to depend on the only person I can control -ME! Not to promote a selfish or individualist mindset, but at the end of the day I go to sleep and wake up with me and my sense of accomplishment.

My Sunshine (cont'd)

Today I will be performing in a talent show held at my school. I will expose my spoken word to the public. It is only suitable that I chose a subject that is closest to me:

Woke up on this cloudy day to see my sunshine
That night light of mine who under no circumstances
I could ever let her see a streak fall from my eyes.
Because you made me strong - you brightened up my day
when my skies were gray, I changed face without delay and wiped those tears away.

As you now lay in pain, restless but motionless, I wish
That the seasons could just reverse and we could rehearse
That very step and very move when your balance gave way.
"Hold my hand, watch your step," I would say
But you were so strong, felt like you could do no wrong.

I now play the game, Who's To Blame?
In search of the fame, I left you to brave the rain
But I can't seem to explain why I can't go out on my cloudy day
To see my sunshine rise up
And its because…she can’t.

Woke up on this cloudy day to see my sunshine
And for the first time, absent was the warmth of your smile
And reaching that unforeseeable goal is no longer worthwhile.
But, for, while the guilt and the pain just piles, piles, and piles
Here I stand, at your hospital bedside

I speak – beep, beep, beep
The tone of this music making me think
How close you were to that fateful brink
Because no matter how much I held my breath for us to stay afloat
I’m out of air

How can I go out in the darkness when you are my lamp
No matter what they tell me, I refuse to accept that this is only temp
-orary because on the contrary the inquiry still remains whether I can stand these skies of gray
I don’t want to have to get used to seeing her like this
And its because…I can’t

Woke up on this cloudy day to see my sunshine
There was something different about today
Thought I heard your voice so I went to your room
There you were; sat down next to you to hold your hand and say

Isn’t she lovely, isn’t she wonderful
Isn’t she precious, less than one minute old
I can't believe what God has done Through us he's given life to one
But isn’t she lovely, MY SUNSHINE