Think I'm going through one of them, these days when you just don't know. More uncertainty than imagination could show. Wear a smile, but it's these once-in-awhile's that brings me down to common ground. High expectations sitting in the void of ambition. Dreams and hopes, susceptible to feelings of lows stuck in transition.
Never any feelings, no indication of the hurts in healing. That was me. Started sharing sights, looking for an answer to what an isolated mind couldn't might. Judgment. No explanation, the ones that never dared to stare. Who really cares? Emotions neither here nor there, better prepared.
Get me out of that box. You package me in the past. Am I the last? Out of stock. Inventory in the bad and replace any good that has elapsed. Fail to post your destination, and they can't track your shipment. Take flight.
Moving In
10:47 AM
Monday, December 6, 2010 @ 4:30 PM marked my first TV debut. I was on MTV in an episode of "Moving In".
At this milestone in my "career", I am fortunate to be making progress considering the fact that I do not have agency or management representation. Some may say that I'm not trying hard enough or that I don't fit the mold, but I prefer to create a niche of my own rather than conform to the norm.
The show allows me to interject my personality behind the still images. It required a lot of improvisation and attention to detail. Hopefully, the right person notices enough to give me another fifteen minutes. Thanks to all the supporters who encourage me to keep on keeping on.
At this milestone in my "career", I am fortunate to be making progress considering the fact that I do not have agency or management representation. Some may say that I'm not trying hard enough or that I don't fit the mold, but I prefer to create a niche of my own rather than conform to the norm.
The show allows me to interject my personality behind the still images. It required a lot of improvisation and attention to detail. Hopefully, the right person notices enough to give me another fifteen minutes. Thanks to all the supporters who encourage me to keep on keeping on.
Humbling experience when people start to notice, and everything you worked for starts to suddenly come in focus.
Click Here To Watch Episode
Click Here To Watch Episode
Fall In Love. Get Hurt Trying.
9:18 AM
Relationships are what you make them. They may develop from friendships, instintcs, and the ever popular late nights. These forces of human nature draw the parties to focus not on what the other can do for him/her but on the effort that each person is willing to put forward to satisfy the other.
Timing is everything. Don't ever let go of the person that makes you wonder. Where will this go? How do I know? Is he/she "right" for me? Are we at different points in our life? Are we going too fast? Where do you want this to go?
This level of complexity scares away the inexperienced, the brokenhearted, and even the rebounders. What ever happened to those days when we didn't proceed with caution? Children merely go to the park and play in the sandbox without any agenda or asking any preliminary questions. They simply play and interact, only sorting out their likes and dislikes as they go relying on what they know until they know better.
Personally speaking...
I should've known better
Than to chance emotion
In a relationship left together
Protracting the angle of friends
Is how the familiarity first began
When you first start to wonder
But fail to understand
Wish I could do it over, I mean
I wish that I could do it without her other
Because it was me who never told her
My expectancy was something over
It's better to have lost and loved
Than not to have loved at all
And try to remount
Even after you fall
Fearing the unknown
Until the memory is sewn
Surrounding my surroundings
Do the birds not fly
The leaves change with the seasons
The sun collides with the moon
And all for what reason
Searching for something more
Is there something else in store
Have I sat this one out
Or continue the search to settle the score
We share nothing in common
Other than the same blank slate
Where we started with our chalk
Sidewalking what we wanted to be
And when it didn't work out that way
Questioned our ultimate destiny
Timing is everything. Don't ever let go of the person that makes you wonder. Where will this go? How do I know? Is he/she "right" for me? Are we at different points in our life? Are we going too fast? Where do you want this to go?
This level of complexity scares away the inexperienced, the brokenhearted, and even the rebounders. What ever happened to those days when we didn't proceed with caution? Children merely go to the park and play in the sandbox without any agenda or asking any preliminary questions. They simply play and interact, only sorting out their likes and dislikes as they go relying on what they know until they know better.
Personally speaking...
I should've known better
Than to chance emotion
In a relationship left together
Protracting the angle of friends
Is how the familiarity first began
When you first start to wonder
But fail to understand
Wish I could do it over, I mean
I wish that I could do it without her other
Because it was me who never told her
My expectancy was something over
It's better to have lost and loved
Than not to have loved at all
And try to remount
Even after you fall
Fearing the unknown
Until the memory is sewn
Surrounding my surroundings
Do the birds not fly
The leaves change with the seasons
The sun collides with the moon
And all for what reason
Searching for something more
Is there something else in store
Have I sat this one out
Or continue the search to settle the score
We share nothing in common
Other than the same blank slate
Where we started with our chalk
Sidewalking what we wanted to be
And when it didn't work out that way
Questioned our ultimate destiny
My Reality
12:47 PM
What once was obscure has become an iridescent element in my existence. I have fell victim to the criticisms and shortcomings of a judgmental marketplace shopping for the cure of stability while fearing the checkout of tomorrow. I was only trying to get ahead. But when reality fails to add up, discount the time, effort, and energy that was there and didn't follow.
I spent a great deal of time this summer gravitating toward my center of self. Uncertainty set in and for the first time I began to doubt. Success is relative and not a discretionary asset of others. I questioned my global positioning because I was not at the best school, employed at the best firm, or getting the best grades. Disappointment indeed; however, for all of the wrong reasons. The standard I set for myself should not be a direct reflection of what is acceptable to those on the outside.
Internship
12:02 PM
Viceroy Partners, LLC is a registered investment advisor where I will be holding my internship. Here, I plan on learning about the industry and using my legal education to satisfy my investment.
I am following through on a promise I made a little over a month ago, that everything I do is in accordance with a long-term goal. The position allows me to explore the definition of "invest". Far too often, I would hear the verb associated with procuring and maintaining wealth. I now have a first-hand opportunity to delve into financial services because one person took the chance to invest in me.
Summer 2007 found me in a similar position. Sitting behind a desk, early mornings, long commutes, I was miserable. I vowed never to return to the corporate lifestyle, where the only favorable aspect was the outfit. Some may call it settling but what is one to do when life hits?
I am following through on a promise I made a little over a month ago, that everything I do is in accordance with a long-term goal. The position allows me to explore the definition of "invest". Far too often, I would hear the verb associated with procuring and maintaining wealth. I now have a first-hand opportunity to delve into financial services because one person took the chance to invest in me.
Summer 2007 found me in a similar position. Sitting behind a desk, early mornings, long commutes, I was miserable. I vowed never to return to the corporate lifestyle, where the only favorable aspect was the outfit. Some may call it settling but what is one to do when life hits?
Just A Thought
1:30 AM
If I had no adversity, would you believe my story
Because it if all seemed easy, you could say you'd never know me
To see progression from the bottom to somewhere off the ground
Aspiring to achieve something undefined but so profound...
Because it if all seemed easy, you could say you'd never know me
To see progression from the bottom to somewhere off the ground
Aspiring to achieve something undefined but so profound...
Employment Termination
9:21 PM
For the past eight months, I have been employed at Houston's. Granted, it was not what I went to school for; however, it allowed me to simultaneously pursue my dreams while offering the flexibility to earn an income.
Today, they pulled the plug on me. I became enslaved to the mechanic food-service industry. Void of any room for personality, I was limited to scripted conversation. Any deviation that resulted in personal conversation was frowned upon and risky. I let myself get in the way. The corporate infrastructure has "standards" and fails to account for the human effect of performing a particular task. The reality is that Houston's took me away from my family, friends, and goals, becoming my sole objective.
I made a commitment to never put myself in a situation that compromises who I am. It was as if I would go to work and leave Edwyn at the door because the law student and aspiring actor/model did not "fit the description". I began to prioritize and ask myself the following questions:
Today, they pulled the plug on me. I became enslaved to the mechanic food-service industry. Void of any room for personality, I was limited to scripted conversation. Any deviation that resulted in personal conversation was frowned upon and risky. I let myself get in the way. The corporate infrastructure has "standards" and fails to account for the human effect of performing a particular task. The reality is that Houston's took me away from my family, friends, and goals, becoming my sole objective.
I made a commitment to never put myself in a situation that compromises who I am. It was as if I would go to work and leave Edwyn at the door because the law student and aspiring actor/model did not "fit the description". I began to prioritize and ask myself the following questions:
- What is most important to you?
- What do you want to be?
- How will you go about it?
Sure, anything that is involuntarily removed takes time to adjust. I realized that the majority of people do not genuinely care if you are not within their scope. As per the general counsel of the company, "Houston's does not value its employees, including you." Family. At the end of the day, it's a business because what is success when your number one fan is missing?
