The Pad

11:31 AM

"Mr. Macelus, here are the keys to your new apartment." I have longed to hear these words spoken by a leasing agent. Although void of furniture and what others may consider to be the bare necessities, I have surrounded myself with white walls that encapsulate a young black man with a colorful career.

Every morning I will wake up in a 1 bedroom with a view of New York City - a playground that I will tackle in order to be the first one picked. I grew up a little more today. No roommates, no distractions, no interference, no excuses. The feeling is bitter sweet with finals looming in the background and the thought of not scoring at a level worthy of any merit makes everything else worthless and supports the laundry list of reasons why I fell short of a measurable objective. That feeling - failure - the distance and the proximity are uninvited guests.

The Pad welcomes all positive energy.

Where I Am

10:54 AM

It is obvious from my absence that October was a shaky month. I done evaluated and revaluated myself in almost every aspect from my short term goal to my long term goals together with how they have been altered, reduced, or broadened from last year to present.

I simply want to "grow up". Remove myself of all outer dependancy and provide for myself is the basis behind the vague expression. No more do I want to have a last resort but be the all end all when it comes to responsibility. True, everything happens for a reason. The past year was my first encounter with the "real world". In the midst of trying to realize my wants and ambitions, I could not get over the fact that there was a "rescue center" that I would return to in the event that some unforseen circumstance were to occur. Having setup the scenario, I've since taken action through the following:

1) Signed a lease on my own apartment
2) Eliminated frivilous debt
3) Budget my finances

Essentially, I want to depend on the only person I can control -ME! Not to promote a selfish or individualist mindset, but at the end of the day I go to sleep and wake up with me and my sense of accomplishment.